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371 pages ; 22 cm
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Winner of the 2026 Schneider Family Honor Book
Seventeen-year-old Cesar Flores is finally ready to win back his ex-boyfriend. Since breaking up with Jamal in a last-ditch effort to stay in the closet, he's come out to Mami, his sister, Yami, and their friends, taken his meds faithfully, and gotten his therapist's blessing to reunite with Jamal. Everything would be perfect if it weren't for The Thoughts--the ones that won't let all his Catholic guilt and internalizations stay buried where he wants them. The louder they become, the more Cesar is once again convinced that he doesn't deserve someone like Jamal--or anyone really. Cesar can hide a fair amount of shame behind jokes and his "gifted" reputation, but when a manic episode makes his inner turmoil impossible to hide, he's faced with a stark choice: burn every bridge he has left or, worse--ask for help. But is the mortifying vulnerability of being loved by the people he's hurt the most a risk he's willing to take?