Elian Haan stole the show on stage and screen as a global dancer, presenter and actress who worked on such sets as Walker Texas Ranger before eventually producing her own TV show. In this memoir with a twist, Elian's life off-camera was just as, if not more, riveting than anything on screen. As a child with severe skeletal issues in a family with enough skeletons in the closet, Netherland-born Elian was searching for God in all directions, but he didn't seem to care about what she wanted. This, on top of all else, made her excel at faking a smile. Her acting skills served her well as she hid an eating disorder while consumed with her parent's drama. Coming of age in the heavy blurred lines of professional dance and fitness, she tried on many hats in order to be taken seriously as a Barbie blonde. Despite such ridiculous moments as her husband leaving her for her best friend after following him "across the pond", stranger-than-fiction lawsuits, many late-night encounters, and spiritual adventures, she finally found herself and her Jesus in the mess and transformed into a sought-after motivational speaker, yoga instructor, and life coach who has helped thousands move through trauma and addiction

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